Miss Umple Has a 'Do'

-> All of Ethel Wilson’s characters in “The Innocent Traveller” are extraordinary. They have peculiar traits or exceptional personalities, all-in-all not people one would meet while walking down the street. However, there is one who seems the most “ordinary” of all: Miss Umplethwaite. Her extraordinary name hides the most normal person in Wilson’s book and her experience therein is a situation like one an average person would have.
-> Readers meet Miss Umplethwaite near the end of the main character, Topaz’s, life. She takes over as Topaz’s care-taker for an afternoon and meets with more difficulty than expected. Personally, being asked to take care of an old, seemingly bed-ridden, woman invokes thoughts of long, boring, and one-sided stories. Since Miss Umplethwaite has experience looking after elderly women, she is probably expecting this. Perhaps stories of the infamous Topaz Edgeworth reached her and Miss Umplethwaite is expecting a little more, maybe mildly interesting stories even if they’re repeated several timesr. However, what Miss Umplethwaite gets is quite different.
-> The visit begins as expected: “[Topaz] and Miss Umplethwaite are dewy with the happiness of shared memories of loved places and names.” (Wilson 229) Miss Umplethwaite then offers Topaz tea and the mischief begins. Instead of tea, Topaz, who “stops short and ... has thought of something.” (Wilson 229), declares she wants ice cream and that they shall walk to the drug store to get some. Topaz, the bed-ridden old woman, has turned into the mischievous child that no babysitter wants. Miss Umplethwaite, being unsure of what to do, allows it in the face of Topaz’s indomitable personality. Wilson even says that “innocent Miss Umplethwaite is at [Topaz]’s mercy” (Wilson 231). The walk to the drug store goes surprisingly well. Ice cream is enjoyed and the two women turn toward home. However, the heat and the exercise have taken their toll on Topaz. In fact, she declares that there’s something wrong with her legs and, as any babysitter would, Miss Umplethwaite immediately begins to regret allowing the expedition. Topaz begins to complain: “‘It’s paralysis ... I can’t feel me legs ... I can’t even use me feet! Miss Umple, Miss Umple!’” (Wilson 229) When Miss Umplethwaite looks down at Topaz’s legs, she finds Topaz’s drawers wrapped around her feet. This is the source of Topaz’s “paralysis”. Once the drawers are removed, yet another ordeal, Topaz finds that not only do her legs work again but being drawer-less is “‘a deal more comfortable’” (Wilson 232) She declares she’ll never wear drawers again and that she, of course, knew it wasn’t a stroke or anything serious.
-> Once returned, Topaz begins telling her great-niece Rose all about the “‘Do’” they just had. Miss Umplethwaite is not quite so exuberant. She feels “a little offended” (Wilson 233) Like any babysitter who experienced such an incident, she feels foolish and upset over the whole situation. A simple little thing like a fallen set of drawers caused all that trouble. What makes her feel even more foolish is how Topaz is not even fazed by the incident. However, also like a normal babysitter, Miss Umplethwaite cannot stay angry in the face of her charge’s enthusiasm. By the end of the story, Miss Umplethwaite too begins to “regard the whole thing as simply a bit of a Do.” (Wilson 233)

- by Brianne Coffey